Two of our neighbors passed on a couple of weeks ago. Both husbands died within two days of each other. They literally lived across the street and next door. We didn’t know them very well except to wave and smile at each other from our driveways.
Both gentlemen were in their 60s, and as far as we know, at least one of their passing was totally unexpected.
About 2 weeks ago, we saw a fire truck and two police cars across the street on a Saturday morning for over an hour. Just two days later, on Monday morning, the same scene happened again next door. What was going on? (Presumably, the ambulances had left before we noticed all the commotion.)
We never heard anything from other neighbors or the community about what had happened. So, this weekend, my wife Norma googled the name of the one from that Saturday morning. She found his obituary and started reading it to me. By this time, he had already been laid to rest.
Then I suggested googling our other neighbor’s name. She told me that wasn’t funny. I replied that I was serious, as I hadn’t seen him working outside in his yard in over a week. The next thing I knew, Norma began to cry. May they both rest in peace, and our thoughts and prayers are certainly with their loved ones.
Even though we hardly knew these couples, the thought of two new widows within 60 yards of our home in just about 48 hours had many emotions pouring in and out of my wife about life, death, sadness, and so on.
She told me the next day that she had a nightmare that night – projecting the pain these women must be experiencing on herself when I pass away at some point. We’re all leaving this earth someday, but we certainly don’t want to dwell on that.
Norma always reminds me that life is short. We need to make the most of every day we have together as well as with our family and friends. We’ve all lost someone close to us who was years or even decades too soon.
How many trips and items on these fellows’ bucket lists will never be completed? How many memories will never be made? Dreams never realized? Grandchildren, they’ll never know? The “I’m sorry”… never said. Last hugs and kisses wished for.
When my dad lost my mom, his life was never the same. After 57 years of marriage, while watching TV, he’d turn to her empty chair to make a comment – even months after she was gone – and then get choked up, realizing she would never sit beside him again. Even though most of us haven’t lost a spouse, we can likely feel the emotional pain that survivors must go through. May God be with these families.
But now, let me put on my financial planner’s hat for just a few minutes. Whether sudden or not, how many people are truly prepared for death? Wills, trusts and beneficiary forms, powers of attorney, family meetings to discuss final wishes are just the important beginnings of preparations. All the decisions. So many decisions.
What about the assets? The income?
Two Social Security checks will be reduced to one (keeping the largest). There may also be a reduction in a pension. Income taxes will nearly double (the tax brackets and standard deductions for single filers are half as much as for couples) the year after the passing. Were plans ever made for these eventual happenings?
Are those surviving spouses up to speed with all aspects of the family wealth? Do they know where all the assets are? Passwords to the accounts? Do they have an advisor already on board to step right in? It’s not a time to google “financial advisors in my town.”
A few years ago, I wrote a short report entitled “The Death of a Spouse in Retirement.” Updated in 2023, it’s certainly not a complete work on the subject, but it’s a decent start.
If you’d like a copy, just send me an email to: mark@SmartFinancialPlanning.com and let me know.
Just maybe, I’ll turn that report into a short book that can help families across the country deal with the inevitable. Although I said, I had written my final book… 4 books ago!
Hopefully, my newly widowed neighbors have the resources (financial and otherwise) and the support system to ease them into a new phase of life and changed circumstances. Norma tried to call them, but neither of them had picked up the phone so far. It’s still probably too soon to speak with people they don’t know very well at this point.
Final thoughts and our current plans renewed and reinforced. Norma and I are not going to wait to retire to get going on our bucket lists, travel destinations, and our other dreams. I encourage you to consider the same.
Besides our Wednesday night date night and weekend meals with friends, family, or just on our own, we’re going to be more vigilant in spending quality time together… and with our family. My grandkids are growing up so fast.
I need to see my brother and his family more often as well. We’ve started doing that in the last few years. We vacationed together in Costa Rica a few months ago, and we’re headed to see them again in nine days.
We are going to continue diligently preparing for our future together (saving, ROTH conversions, improving our home, etc.) while being more intentional about seizing every day along the way. There’s a sensible balance between the present and the future that some folks haven’t found yet. We are going to be even more deliberate on all of this. I believe that’s very important. Maybe you feel the same.
For those of you who know me, gratitude is one of my favorite words. I am going to be even more grateful for every day that I enjoy great health, my wife and family, our friends, living in the USA, a career that gives me endless satisfaction and enjoyment, and for all our many other blessings.
And I’m going to try to be more present in the moment. When I’m working, I’ll be working. When I’m with my loved ones or on vacation, I’ll be in the moment with them or where I am, not thinking of work or my next project.
Their passing hit me, too, and in some way, will make the years to come even better for me and those I love. Thank you for the opportunity to share with you some of my personal and professional thoughts on this important real-world scenario and circumstance, which we will all have to experience.
It’s Wednesday, so it’s date night. I’m going to get ready.
all the best… Mark
PS – Let me know if you’d like to receive the report mentioned above.